I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
