I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
