I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.