420 ftw
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He shit in the fireplace
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
