yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
