So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
