Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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