Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
