I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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