I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
