i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
