At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
