first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
