I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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