so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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