if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
