dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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