So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
