I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
