when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
