I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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