I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
