So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
