you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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