i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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