Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
