She's JV to your varsity
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
