Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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