I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
