No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
