so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
