Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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