i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
