Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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