the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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