I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
