ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
