Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
