Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
