I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
