Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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