I only kidnapped one of them. chill
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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