I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
