Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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