My nipple is on Facebook.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.