if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were trust falling into bushes
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