i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.