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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.

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• (909): View more from California

  i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?

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• (212): View more from New York

  She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.

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