what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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