I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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