omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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