I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
