Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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