Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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