So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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