come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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