Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you never un-have a 4some
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
