i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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