Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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