I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
