I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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